Our Evolution is Futile
There were two events in 2010 that lead me to lose all of my hope in humanity.
I always disliked people, as I said. But before 2010, I still had a hope for the little pieces of humanity that I could relate too. I still thought I could fit into two last niches: either through a card game or through an online chat. I like games, especially ones geared towards nerds, and the facelessness on online chat, I thought, would make things easier.
Neither of them worked out. Partly do to my actions…but I can’t help but blaiming them for being so unsympahetic.
The first fallout happened after a Friday Night Magic group. We were playing Rise of the Eldrazi draft. I was playing with a WB deck and my opponent was playing with a RG deck. Previously, he appeared to me like the ultimate uber-geek. He looked like the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.
I had won the first round, but the second round was closer. I can’t remember the exact setup, but I had an Ulamog’s Crusher. Then I somehow got two Eldrazi Spawn tokens onto the battlefield…but I accedently put them their tapped. During his turn, he used Traitourous Instinct on my Crusher. I think he would have won, but I blocked with my Eldrazi tokens…even though they appeared to be tapped.
He noted this problem. I did not know what to do. But then, without even trying to negotiate,he quit. He then said that he could disqualify me if he wanted to and that I should learn to play the game before I entered tournaments. I said I was sorry, it was an honest mistake, and I could concede, but he said it was fine…even though he preceded to tell all his friends that he lost the match do to a newb move.
I was entirely at vault, do not get me wrong. I should have either lost that round or that match. But he just lost all sympathy with me over a card game. I was not banned from the place and he probably got over it the next day, but the lack of sympathy…stunned me. I just could not go there anymore.
The other time was after a while of hanging out at this chatroom. I thought I was getting along with everybody pretty well. They seemed to share my ideas. But then I had one of my “break downs”.
Maybe I was an asshole before than. Maybe people did not want t o deal with an emtionally unstable teenager. Maybe they wanted to help, but they did not know how. Regardless, I basically went crazy while everybody watched.
I was not banned after that, but I might as well have been. I just had so much shell-shock from nobody giving a shit about me in my time of need that I no longer used it to form social bonds, but as a time waster. I am now banned from it, but I don’t realy care anymore, although I do talk to one user once in a while. They just did not actually care about me. Maybe they tolerated, but care? Ha!
My overall point? If either of these two mediums sympathized with my accidents or feelings, I might have left a connection to humanty that could make me forgive it. But without their sympathy, I can’t help thinking that nearly everyone on this planet is an asshole.