Our Evolution is Futile
What a promising virtue.
If any feeling is overhyped in our culture, its love. It is seen everywhere. In our folklore. In our literature. In our cinema. In our conversation. It is one of our ultimate goals in all our lives: find someone to love get married, die together, and do everything in between. And it sounds good. We all want someone to love us. To sympathize with us. To enjoy us. To desire us. To do anything for us.
Doesn’t that sound nice?
Of course, there is a little “dark side” to love that we do not like to talk about. A factor that is not based on intellect or values, but on something as shallow as beauty.
See, there is this little, tiny thing called sex.
We are supposed to think of sex as the “cherry on top”. We are not dating a woman because she’s hot! We are dating her because she is smart! We are not marrying a woman because of her abilities in bed! We are marrying her because she is our “best friend”! We could NEVER be that shallow, right?
Tell me then, why aren’t we all bisexual? If we chose our love based on intellect and values, then why do we not fall in love with both sexes?
It is painfully obvious. Sex A is sexy. Sex B isn’t. We fall in love with Sex A. We do not fall in love with Sex B.
Let’s just say it is. Look at any given couple. Do they look like two random people were grouped together, or are the two people in each other’s “league” (ugly people with ugly people, beautiful people with beautiful people, etc)?
Ironically, this revelation took the quickest to realize, once I started thinking about it. Sexual appeal can exist without love, but love rarely exists without sexual appeal. It is just how things are. We are hardwired by our biology to value sexual appeal over other, more important virtues. We fall in love with a beautiful person of low intelligence and conflicting ideas much easier than a hideous person with higher intelligence and equal ideas. Ugly people might get into the “friend zone” at best.
And we cannot get around this. We cannot suddenly declare “I will only judge people based on ideas and compatibility, not physical features!” We can try our damned hardest. We can reject the sexiest possible partners because they are complete morons. But, no matter what we do, we always end up being with someone we consider “cute”.
That is a depressing fact that we cannot get around. Unless we all wear disguises (a ridiculous request, even for me), we cannot beat our instincts. But at least we can fight our instincts. We can at least attempt to choose our lover based on their thoughts and not their looks.
Sometime we do. But often we do not. I can never be certain about the exact numbers, but it is quite obvious how sexual attraction can overtake all other aspects of a relationship, if they were even there to begin with.
Just look how addicted many women have become to their looks. Not only do they focus on lavishing themselves with all sorts of cloths and perfumes, but more and more now want to physically alter their bodies. Why? Because they want the attention! They know that few things are stronger than the male’s urge to fuck. Just look at how many people cannot stop fucking other people despite their vow of devoutness to their partners. Just look how many more men will rally towards a woman who acts like a ditz, but has giant tits, while the thoughtful, intelligent girl is completely ignored.
I am currently enrolled in high school. I have not dated anyone. I am too frail for dating at this point. But I have seen many couples and their actions. Guess who gets the girl: the guy wears glasses, is articulate, listens to people, and cares about other people’s feelings, or the sports jock that is handsome, but is barely passing his classes, barely listens to you, and has his boxers hanging out for some reason that not even God knows? Who?
Of course the retard gets the girl. There is a reason why the jocks are so popular while barely anybody has ever even dated on the chess team. All other traits are secondary to some big tits or some great abs. Yeah, listening, intelligence, and similar ideas are good and all, but Tom is just so cute!
Even if you could somehow abandon the notion of sex and connect to someone completely, you still might not experience the mythic “everlasting love” that we always have been promised. Marriage is supposed to be ones eternal oath to your lover. Yet, in America, the divorce rate is at about 50%. That means that, for every four people who say they want to be with you forever, at least one of them is either caught in the moment, exaggerating, or outright lying. More sickeningly, over 75% of marriages end when a chronic disease is involved. If marriage is supposed to be sacred, then where the Hell did the additional 25% come from? I thought you are supposed to stick with your partner through the worst of times? Why would you want to abandon them in their hour of need?
Does that statistic absolutely horrify anybody else? Am I alone in thinking that there is, at BEST, a quarter of a chance them the person that I love will really love me back? And I mean love ME, not my body or my status, but ME, the one thing that only I can control. Even if we hit it off, there is only a 50% chance that they life me for my ideas and my feelings. It is not love if you leave someone because their body is collapsing. What you have been through was what you thought was love, but in reality it was just your urge to have fun, feel cared for, and have sex. You did not care about the person involved.
I am not sure if I will ever fall in love. It is so draining on your emotions. But if I do, I want them to love my feelings. If they want my body, then we can have a one night stand. If they want to have a fun time, then we can be friends. Only when they want to feel my feelings, to understand me, and to be with me through the absolute best and the absolute worst of times can they call it love.
But I doubt I will ever find her.