Our Evolution is Futile
I think the origin of all misanthropy, all absolute hatred of humanity, is isolation.
I have spent my entire life in relative isolation. I do not talk to people often. I just like to carry on by myself, to leave myself with my own thoughts, uninterrupted by other people. It is just the way I am. It is my personality. I do not mix well with other humans, for one reason or another.
The only time I have tried to effectively socialize with other people in my adolescent life is when I try talking to people on the internet. And every one of those outreaches, and the few in real life, have failed miserably. Partially due to my own actions, partially due to theirs. I can say something that seems completely out of line when I meant to be humorous. But in my defense, they offered little sympathy in my times of need, light-years before I acted like an idiot. They never “loved” me. Again, maybe it is my fault, maybe it is theirs. Regardless, I scarcely have any emotion bonds to this world.
With no one to talk to, I have a lot free time in my mind. When I am not doing schoolwork, learning, or on an electronic device, I essentially spend time with myself in my mind. That takes up many hours of the day, believe me. I am my best friend.
I think about many things. I think about what happened in the past and what would have happened if I altered those events. I think about the present, about what work needs to be done. I think about the future, if I really stand a chance at accomplishing anything in this sea of unpredictability we call life.
Most importantly, I analyze how other people act. I often see myself as a bystander. Or, rather, a God looking upon his ant-like subjects. As a “God”, I already consider myself “superior” to other people. I do not want to interact with such mortals, but I am curious to see how they work.
This God mentality may seem unreasonable, but consider how a God would be like. To us, a monotheistic God would generally have a perfect moral code, intelligence beyond our comprehension, and uniqueness due to complete superiority. Well, to me, I have a prefect moral code: because I agree with each of my morals. I am not the most intelligent person, but compared to most other people I am. And given my intelligence and my anti-social attitudes, it can often appear that I am the only person of value left in the world, even if I know it is not true. Of course, this philosophy does not make me believe that I am omnipotent, omniscient, or omni-anything. But it accurately paints my philosophy to other people. For the most part, I am living with people out of my league. Or at least I feel like it.
That is the background feeling that I have when I see other adolescents interact or when I watch or read the news.
Such a feeling of superiority can never lead to loving other people, can it? Now the God of Abraham makes much more sense. He did crazy things to people because he too thought of them as ants. How dare man eat from the Tree of Knowledge?! How dare the Sodomites practice sexual perversions?! They must be punished! Both of us judge people because our superiority forces us to think that humanity is constantly fucking up for no good reason and they should be punished for their actions
Of course, that God was omnipotent. I am not. But I cannot help but wonder what I would do with that power, even if my views are drastically different from Yahweh’s. But, like Yahweh, I can judge mankind, often without looking at myself.
I cannot help it. I keep on looking at humanity with hatred. I look at it from this angle and that but nothing can put it into a better light. I try to tell myself that 90% of people are good, with only minor flaws, but I can never get over my mindset.
To put it simply, I not only do not get along with other people, but I absolutely loathe them. I cannot comprehend a fraction of its thoughts and actions. And there is nothing I can do about it.
I am far from the perfect person, of course. Hell, I would not be surprised if I made more mistakes than everyone else on the planet. But at least I can cringe at my mistakes and try to improve overtime. Too many other people just seem to live in their hatred and idiocy rather than ever hope to improve their lives or to create a world based on love instead of hate.
Before I completely fall into the darkness, I need to show people what I feel in the only way I can. The following things I say may be entirely negative, but, overtime, I have seen that everything I am about to see is generally true. I can no longer attribute these ideas to a bad personality. I have analyzed humanity long enough to know otherwise.
Let me try to explain my hatred…